


Widow's Song

by kate_taylor



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Black Widow - Freeform, Bruce Banner - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-22 18:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4845239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate_taylor/pseuds/kate_taylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story told from the Hulk's perspective about his relationship with Natasha (Black Widow). </p><p>It is written in the style that it is for a number of reasons, but I've given Hulk a more intelligent outlook on the world around him because he is quite intelligent, but acts like a child because he hates Bruce and wants to piss him off. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spider's Web

 

I am not always myself and I often struggle to gain control. I have one significant flaw that I am well known for. It envelops me; consumes me until I am nothing but a monster. Considering how I look, it is fitting, but not something that I pride myself upon. However, I think if you were brought into existence the same way I was, you too would feel my anger and uncontrollable rage. You would want to smash, break, and destroy anything that tried to get in your way. 

I have killed men. Destroyed cities and broken things apart with my bare hands. Exerting my physical strength is exhausting and yet invigorating in a way that I have become addicted to it. I have fallen in love with the way it feels to crush something using only my bare hands, the way that the sound of my scream can instil fear into even the largest of man's hearts.

 They call me 'The Hulk' or 'The Incredible Hulk.' I find it boorish and loathsome, but I suppose it is what I am and all that matters. I have no control over my existence, except for the puny scientist that I happen to share my existence with. He has a name, but I hate saying it as much as he despises mine. With us, the desire to destroy the other is strong, but we need each other. For without him, I cannot exist, and he would have died had I not spawned from him. I saved us both; a fact we both can live without acknowledging. Despite this, Banner is my control. If I let him, or if he can, he would stop me from living on nothing but destruction and anger. He lets me be the excuse for his animosity towards the world.

 It is because of him that we are here today, aboard this airborne vessel. I feel closed in and challenged, but he is ignoring me. Just days ago we met  _the woman_  for the first time. I don't know how she came to find us, as we'd taken every precaution to ensure we would not be discovered by S.H.I.E.L.D. or anyone else for that matter. But, it seems that they are our Big Brother - they have eyes everywhere and they were always watching. They needed Bruce's expertise to look into the tesseract and mine, in case they needed something to be destroyed. 

 I wanted to destroy Tony Stark.

 Banner wouldn't let me.

 Stupid Banner.

 I was there the entire time with Bruce. I am always there and always watching. Although invisible, I am there and am getting stronger by the minute. I can watch the little things begin to irritate and slowly build up in my partner's body. I h ear them speak of the psychotic man on board this ship who is attempting to create animosity and divide our group. Hopefully the tiny humans are intelligent enough not to fall for his games. 

 They call him Loki. He has a brother who is barbaric, although I do admire his hammer. It looks as if it could do considerable damage. There is an insufferable do-gooder named Steve Rogers. Banner likes him (of course Banner likes him). Stark, as I mentioned, and the woman, Natasha. 

 From the moment we climbed aboard this vessel I was unable to shake the feeling that something dark and sinister was brewing. I could feel it calling to me, even louder when we approached the room with the sceptre. I longed to lift it, to wield it for a moment, but the doctor was silently denying me this one pleasure. The close confinement of the craft made me shudder uncomfortably. I felt too large for this place and like I could easily break it if Banner allows me out, which he undoubtedly will. I can feel him slipping and giving into the darkness that rests inside of both of us. Except he doesn't act upon it - he lets me deal with that of us. I knew he was on the edge and that it wouldn't be long now until the doctor gave up trying to control his anger. He probably could have held on for a little longer, if the ship was not attacked that day.

 It was then that an arrow pierced the side of craft, nearly destroying the room that we were standing in. There was chaos all around us as Stark and Rogers were continuing with their showmanship, each one trying to prove they were better than the other. I didn't hear what became of their petty quarrel, as we were thrown into the belly of the ship and buried under heavy debris. Being weak, Banner couldn't lift the pipe that'd fallen on his legs.

 "We're okay." I heard Natasha's voice echo into the room. She sounded confident about this at first, but she quickly changed her tone. "We're okay, right?

 "Doctor?"

 I could hear the fear in her voice but, too busy fearing my release, Banner was incapable of responding to her, although I could tell he wanted to scream at her to run. I urged him not to. I liked a chase. After all, she was the one who brought us here. I had not been released in quite some time, but I was eager to be free.

 "Bruce... you gottta fight it. This is just what Loki wants."

 It's just what I wanted too. Her voice was bracing but I could hear the fear in it.

 "We're going to be okay. Listen to me, we're going to be okay, right?"

 I don't know if you will be okay, Miss Romanoff.

 "I swear on my life I will get you out of this! You will walk away and never-"

 "YOU'RE LIFE?" It was Bruce's voice mixed with my own. 

 I was free.

 I don't know if it is painful for Bruce to have his limbs stretch out beyond what is humanly possible, but I relished in it. I stumbled to life and felt myself gripping onto the side of the ship, alive and well for what felt like the first time in years. Banner's clothes ripped as my body stretched it out and I turned to look back at the woman on the floor. In her eyes was the fear I was used to seeing in people when they first beheld me. After all, I did tell you I was a monster. 

 I am not sure if it was Bruce, or if it was me, but in that moment I felt pity for her. Surely she was one of the more fearless creatures I had encountered in my short life and she did not recoil from the sight of me. I was sorry that she had to see me like this, for I am a monster.

 "Bruce?"

 I could hear the hope in her voice, wishing that someone else was there instead of me. My body writhed and sprang to life again as I felt my muscles expanding and strengthening. When I am free my instincts are animalistic and my rage is consuming. I didn't want to be here, in this place, with these people. This woman on the floor had convinced us to come - convinced Banner that he would be safe. 

 Angrily, I smashed my fist into the wall and heard a pipe clatter to the ground behind me. I turned to see the woman fleeing for her life. After I would feel bad about what I did, but in that moment I saw red and succumbed to my need to destroy her. I chased her, fists slamming into the sides and uncaring what got in my path. Bruce thinks I am infantile - a beast without words and any sort of logical thought. I hate this assumption of myself and purposefully act out in ways to annoy him. I yell words like "SMASH" and speak of myself in the first person. All the while I chased the woman, Bruce was pleading with me to stop. To leave her be, convince me that it was not her fault that we were here. He should know by now that I cannot be reasoned with when I am in that state. It is not something I take pride in.

 I did not hurt the woman that day on the ship, although I desperately wanted to in that moment. The shame was not felt by Bruce alone when we saw her again merely hours later. I'd wanted to kill her and nearly succeeded. But the way that she looked at him - at us - when we faced her again was surprising. There was an understanding in her eyes that I never expected to see even before Banner uttered his apology. I was too afraid to say it myself to her as I thought she would have preferred not to see my face again. 

 "So, this all seems horrible."  _Great line, Banner_.

 "I've seen worse." Natasha replied, making me feel hot with shame.

 "Sorry."

 "No. We could use a little worse." She smiled at us then in her strange, mysterious way and I felt something shift that told me everything would be fine between us.

 That day we worked together and I did not cause her harm. I fought myself and won. Merely days later, she disappeared with the archer - Clint Barton. A kinship was blossoming between them and it was clear they would leave together. That was my first encounter with the strange woman, and I hoped it would not be the last. 


	2. Lullabies

Let me preface this by saying that I was right - as I always am - but I was right in my assumption that we would see the woman again. Her work for S.H.I.E.L.D. and my work with Stark ensured that we would cross paths again. Stark had invited the doctor to his lab to aid with his work. As Banner is my keeper, I was forced to come along for the ride as well. S.H.I.E.L.D. would go on to use me for their own purposes and, since it allowed me to be free, I willingly participated in each mission they assigned me. I say it is my mission, as Banner is incapable of participating when the real fighting happens. Each time we met, it would be brief before we would each go on our ways again, but her fearlessness and intelligence remained with me after each meeting.

Our first mission we were assigned together after the incident took place merely months after S.H.I.E.L.D. was infiltrated. I was afraid that we had sided with an unsavoury organization, but Fury was our rock throughout Hydra's plight. The need for me had been little, but after that came to pass, all of hell seemed to break free. There were attacks on agents, attempts to once again break into our systems and bring us down from within, but as a team we were stronger and far more intelligent than the dregs they were sending our way. Our first reunited mission together was like no time had ever passed. The Avengers fought together, and fought well. The doctor and Stark were discussing their absurd plan to build a super-intelligent fighting machine when we received the call from Fury. The arrogant inventor looked at his phone when he saw who was calling him and tossed it on the side of his chair. "Oops, I'm not available."

I rolled my eyes and I think Banner did too as his own phone rang and he accepted Fury's call. "Banner," Bruce answered, ignoring Stark's exasperated expression.

Really, I wanted to smash him. Just once.

"Tell Stark that no one thinks he's cute." Fury said from the other end of the line. Banner had stupidly put him on speaker-phone, so of course Stark heard every word.

"That's not true. Many people think I'm adorable. You included, you just need to get to know me better."

"Uh huh. Listen, when two stop playing house, we need you. We got some bugs and I'm realizing I'm gonna need a bigger boot."

Fury had really called because he needed us. Needed me. I was, after all, the largest boot they had for crushing bugs.

And I badly wanted to feel something get smashed. My feelings must have somehow stretched to reach the doctor, because I could feel it within him too. I liked when we could agree on something and when he could actually admit to himself that he enjoyed it almost as much as I did, no matter what he tried to tell himself. He didn't hesitate when he answered Fury, "We'll be there," and hung up his phone. I had begun to enjoy this situation we had created for ourselves. I could let Banner's reason in just enough to allow for him to control my rage, and I could be free again. I was itching to be free again.

"Let's do this. Suit up." Banner had told Stark as he raised himself from the couch in the lab to depart. What Fury had failed to mention over the phone was our need to travel. It would not, as I'd assumed, be a matter of moments before Banner would release me. We had to fly - something else I hate, for obvious reasons - to Munich, where the rest of the team were waiting for us. Stark could have flown himself in half the time, but he insisted on taking the private jet with Bruce and I. He claimed he needed time to work on his suit to make a dramatic entrance, but I knew he was monitoring me. In the time leading up to our arrival, Bruce had grown more agitated than usual and Stark knew there were cracks forming on the lid. The doctor was irritable and I was furious, but we made it without incident.

Rogers, Barton and Natasha were already waiting. Thor, the one with the hammer, would not be joining us for this fight.

"About time you boys showed up."

Natasha was looking directly at us, Bruce and I. There was that same, singular smile playing on her lips when she spoke. I could not understand the mystery that was always behind her eyes. Was she actually pleased to see us or was that the way she spoke to everyone.

"Things are looking horrible, but I was just telling Clint that we could use a little worse."

I smiled. Bruce smiled, and released me.

The hours on the plane had made me irritable, and the anticipation for the fight against Hydra's agents had agitated me greatly, but Bruce kept himself in my head. I let him in just a small amount, as I did not want another scene as I'd created in the Helicarrier. It was bliss to be able to break and destroy things while hearing encouragement from my peers. My anger was, for the first time, being channelled into something good. I want to tell you that there were parts of that day that I remember, but there is only one part of that day that sticks in my mind.

When I get into these states, I often will lose myself. I'd forgotten about Banner and I'd blissfully blocked out the rest of the team. They made me wear an earpiece for communication, but by my next mission I would tire of Rogers yelling orders in my ear and would destroy the tiny piece of equipment. I was oblivious to the fact that they were calling for the doctor, asking where he was, to respond, what was his 20. I ignored the requests to speak to Bruce and continued to break up pieces of machinery and smash the trees around me until late into the day.

"Dr. BANNER!"

That one was Stark, whom I hurled a tree at.

"Hey big guy,"

The voice this time was softer and did not come from the piece on my ear. Someone was near me, near enough to be hurt. I turned and screamed at the person nearby, not realizing to whom I was yelling at. I made to grab another tree, but the person - a woman, I could see now - did not flinch.

"The sun's gettin' real low..."

And so it was. I turned to look towards the sky and saw that the light had nearly faded from the day. I'd been destroying things for hours without stopping, not tiring from my determined mindset. I went to launch the tree at the woman, but I saw she was unmoving. I knew her. I knew that bold, strong-backed and fearless woman.

I'd stopped my arm in mid-throw and Natasha could see that I'd been caught off guard. That smile graced her lips again, the one that was ever so slight and only lifted one corner of her mouth.

"What do you say we bring this one home?"

The interaction was confusing to me and I was unsure how to proceed. In the back of my head, I could hear the damn doctor again. I'd blocked him out for most of the day, except now his voice rang clearly throughout my mind. Stop it, listen to her!

Angrily, I grabbed the only thing that I could see - there was a broken piece of a motorcycle that could still be torn down further. I grabbed it and smashed the bit to nothing as another ferocious scream ripped from my throat. The woman's eyes widened and she trembled slightly as she displayed her first sign of fear. I could tell that she wanted to run, but I could not understand why she didn't. Her feet remained planted to the ground and she held my gaze steadily with her own. Since I have been alive, I could not recall anyone ever looking at me like she did that day. There was caution, fear, but curiosity as well. She was staring at me as if she knew me, and not searching for the doctor that was inside of me. People often looked for him, as if I were a mere by-product of his existence.

My thick layers of anger began to melt as I realized I was staring back at her in confusion. I did not know why she continued to stare but I knew I could not look away from her.

"Don't make me ask again." she implored softly as her arm lifted and she held out her palm towards me. I did not know how to act. I had grown accustomed to people running away from me in fear and leaving me to my own destructive paths. I was not used to them lingering.

With a shake of my head I turned to look away from her, unable to look into those green eyes any longer. Her hand was still stretched out towards me and I was afraid she was going to try to reach out and touch me. Even I could not predict what I would have done if she did and, luckily, this time I would not have to find out. My limbs shrunk as I felt myself slowly disappearing. Our knees buckled and it was not I who feel to the ground, but the doctor instead. I could feel his shame at his own nakedness, but I did not care. I merely waited for him to turn his head once more, to see if the woman had stayed or not.

When Bruce finally turned around, I could see Natasha still standing there and watching him; watching us. Her eyes were still kind as she set down a bundle of clothes for Banner, silently letting him know that they were there before she tactfully looked away. Her hand rose up to her ear and she spoke quietly into the microphone, "Everything is fine. The big guy's asleep and I've got Banner. We'll see you at the rendezvous point."

I was asleep, dormant and waiting for the next time I would be needed.

I hated how I hoped Natasha would be there.


	3. Seoul

This act and routine of ours continued whenever the Avengers were called together on a mission, or whenever I was fortunate enough to work alone with Natasha. The times were rare, but they did occur. Each time our mission fell to a close, someone would request a lullaby. This is what these rare moments Natasha and I shared were called, and I suppose that it did make some sense. She would approach me, the same as she had that first time, and repeat the same words. It signalled to me that it was time to stop and let the doctor come back. My time may have been over but at least I got to spend the last few minutes looking at her. 

She never tried to touch me again after the first encounter. 

I have felt very few emotions in my short life. Most of them have been anger, frustration, and rage. Naturally, it took me quite some time before I could assess that what I had begun to feel towards the woman. My to my dismay, it was Banner who recognized it first. Of course, he is the weaker being of the two of us, so I suppose it is only natural that he recognized affection first. 

For the first time, I had begun to listen to the communications between the team, only to listen for her voice and ensure she did not need backup. I felt content hearing her checking in with the group as it lessened my fear that something may have gone amiss with her part of the mission. It was not that I didn't trust her abilities, I had simply been out there long enough to know that anything can happen. One minute you are in the middle of a fight, and the next you're being ejected from a hellicarrier and hurtling towards the earth. That sort of thing.

It was also during this time that I struggled with my resentment towards Banner. Do not mistake me. I loathe the imbecile, but it was he who spent the most time with her. They would speak together intimately and freely. The doctor would let his guard down around her, something that I had yet to witness him do with anyone. He was letting himself be vulnerable and I, more than ever, hated his freedom. I'm not sure if I could ever have as natural of a conversation with her as Bruce did - although my mind is sound, I doubt I could express any coherent words to her. Banner was my only chance of being close to her and I dearly hoped he would not ruin this. 

Often she would go away, explaining that she had business with S.H.I.E.L.D., but always implied that she would be back. The last time that I saw Natasha was two months ago and I was not the only one who was growing anxious with her absence. I could sense and feel the doctor's distraction and agitation. When he was unsure of things, he would stammer, and when he was in an unfamiliar place, he would bump into people and objects, far too busy trying to assess his surroundings. The growing agitation led to a tangible fear that he may experience an accidental "code green."

Yes, he'd begun to call me this.

No, I did not like it.

Obviously, Stark came up with it.

Smash, smash, smash!

The next time I would see her again was in Seoul on another mission for the Avengers. I had my own tasks, but I listened for her anyways. I could hear her in the car with Barton, She drove while he provided her with cover, or at least those were her instructions from Rogers the last time I paid enough attention to listen. As for myself, I was on auto-pilot. Or 'auto-smash.' Man after man would come after me and each of them would take their best shots, but they were not a match for me. I was an unstoppable force and it felt so satisfying to release. I couldn't tell you exactly who we were up against that day, but I could tell you the number of men that I took down. 

"Clint!"

Her voice broke through on the intercom. "Clint's hit!" I could hear the concern in her voice when she spoke and it gave me momentary pause. Unfortunately, there was nothing that I could do to assist - my body was not ideal to deal with human injuries. When Natasha spoke again I could hear the frustration in her voice. "Does somebody want to deal with that bunker?"

Now that I could do. Without a second thought I let out a loud yell and ran head-first into the bunker, breaking it's concrete into pieces. 

"Thank you."

I turned smugly towards another group of men who were entering the area. I kept them free from Natasha and gave her room to tend to Clint's injuries. They would try to shoot at me and it would only serve to infuriate me more. I couldn't tell you how much time had passed, or where in the woods I was positioned at anymore. The only thing that I was aware of was the level of my rage when I heard Natasha and the Captain speaking together that it was time to get Banner and a lullaby. Of course, I do all the work and as soon as they were finished with me, they tossed me aside to bring him back. I had done my job, fought their war, and was being pushed back into a cage once more. 

My fist went through the trunk of a tree.

Had I not proven to them that I could be tamed? That I could follow instructions and not unleash all hell on a city? 

I was grabbing whatever I could and breaking it down into the smallest of pieces. I didn't want to be shoved back into a cage and locked away again while Banner walked freely around. I won't pretend that I didn't know why they were doing this, but it didn't change the fact that all I was to them was a weapon. 

"Hey big guy." Furiously, I spun around to look at her. She was helping them put me away, wasn't she? Was she not just as bad? Whatever look was on my face must have caught her of guard and she froze to watch me cautiously. 

But not even that seemed to really stop her. "The sun's gettin' real low..."

She lowered into her crouch and set the clothes down for me. No, not for me, for Banner. I still didn't want to go back, but I knew that they had ways of making me. Bruce had ways of making me and I could hear him in my head. 

It's time to stop now. 

I tried to shake his voice out but I knew it wouldn't help and that I had to leave. From her crouched position, Natasha held out her hand to me. It was something she she had offered and I denied her the first time we did this song and dance together, yet here she was, still entirely unafraid. What had this woman seen or gone through that she was here, willingly extending her hand out to me? A creature. Someone whom people feared and ran from. I moved towards her with my own hand held out before I let my finger smoothly move across her outstretched palm. If she trusted me this much, the least I could do was show her that I trusted her also. Her hand moved away and, for a moment, I thought I'd finally managed to frighten her. Instead, she slowly moved her hand down my wrist, across my palm and down my finger in return. 

I thought my heart must have stopped when she touched me that day. The gesture was small, practically insignificant, but it meant the world to me. No one had ever touched me. Not like that. Not with kindness. 

As my rage subsided, so too did I. I stumbled, I fell, and my body surrendered itself back to the doctor until I was locked safely away again. 

Whether she knew it or not, whether Banner felt the same, I would not care. I felt something in that moment for her that I knew I had not felt before. As Bruce returned to himself, I curled up inside of him, quiet and content, with both our hearts thrumming with love.


End file.
